Pleasures Forevermore

This blog has been kind of a downer  - and if you've been here with me, thank you.

I needed a place to process the hard times we were in, and this became the anti-Facebook for me :) - where i could write down what i was feeling and hopefully learn from it.

But we are in such a good place, and that's why i'm no longer blogging here.  I will leave the blog up, since i know others will be in the same place i've been, but right now we are so happy and blessed.

God has brought us to "the perfect" church.  You know how people say "Don't look for the perfect church.  If you find it, you'll wreck it!"... Well, so far we haven't been kicked out, and every. single.  thing just seems custom made to us.

Many of the families are larger than average, most of them are homeschoolers.  The whole church is family integrated, and there are no full time paid staff - instead, there are three "teaching elders" who take turns preaching.

It's a small church, but filled with kind, beautiful, believers.

When i was very ill with this last pregnancy, so many meals were brought, my house was cleaned, and once she was born, a shower was thrown for an eighth child!

We've been invited into people's homes, and enjoyed so much getting to know our brothers and sisters in Jesus.

ALL of our children are now baptized - even baby Octavia - since this church does practice infant baptism (but doesn't push it!).

This is not a place of social masks and conventions, or judging and bickering.  I don't think it's perfect, but it's perfect for us.

We are soooooooooooo grateful to God for Christ Covenant Church.  It has been a shelter in the storm this last year, and i hope we never move away, and can grow to be a support and leaders in time as well, to bring the love of God and the communion of the saints to many more people.

If you are where i was - please take heart from my situation!  I was so close to giving up!  When i knew we were moving, my sweet husband just wanted to please me, to find a church where i was comfortable.  And the first church we went to, after an invitation on Facebook by someone we had never met :) - was The One. For both of us.  It's a perfect fit in every way.

I just wish T weren't trying to do his master's degree at the same time as learn a new job in a bigger city.  But we are loving every opportunity we have to be with our church family :) - and i know God has a place for you, too...

Recalculating Part II

How do you gain resilience? I think i have none, and I need it so bad.

All of the good things I've blogged are still true, and so much more. God has poured out so many good things over our family and we are loving our new home and town even more than we did at the beginning.

But again, storms rage in my extended family and i am struggling to keep my head above the water. Part of this is the hormones of being 25 weeks pregnant with our eighth little one (one huge blessing!), but part of it is just weariness that comes from vacillating between anger and deep, deep sorrow. And then anger at the family members who have "destroyed my peace", followed by guilt and shame at not being able to be a support or a good friend in this situation. I just want it all to go away. And i feel bad about that. I feel like i did as a teenager... Uncomfortable, disconnected, broken and desperate for escape.

Tommy Walker wrote a song i play a lot. Honestly, not a lot of other songs appeal to me right now.

Lord, You are my hiding place
Come now and cover me
You are my safety
When storms are raging
Surrounding me
With songs of deliverance
Come and surround me now

I hide myself in Thee
I hide myself in Thee
I hide myself in Thee
I hide myself in Thee

Psalm 35 made me cry. T opened my Bible for me and said "read this." without even really looking and it was so pertinent.

"27 Let them shout for joy, and be glad,

that favor my righteous cause:
yea, let them say continually,
Let the LORD be magnified,
which hath pleasure in the prosperity of his servant.
28 And my tongue shall speak of thy righteousness

and of thy praise all the day long."

My Father will bring me through. I know this. So glad T will push me into His arms when i am sorely distracted by my sorrow.