Sunday, June 27, 2010

Depression and God, Part II

And all of the sudden it was gone.

I feel like Christian, at the cross, in Pilgrim's Progress...

Up this way, therefore, did burdened CHRISTIAN run; but not without great difficulty, because of the load on his back.

He ran thus till he came at a place somewhat ascending; and upon that place stood a Cross, and a little below, in the bottom, a sepulchre. So I saw in my dream, that just as CHRISTIAN came up to the cross, his burden loosed from off his shoulders, and fell from off his back, and began to tumble; and so continued to do till it came to the mouth of the sepulchre, where it fell in, and I saw it no more.

Then was CHRISTIAN glad and lightsome, and said, with a merry heart,

"He hath given me rest by his sorrow,
And life by his death."

Then he stood still awhile to look and wonder; for it was very surprising to him, that the sight of the cross should thus ease him of his burden. He looked therefore, and looked again, even till the springs that were in his head sent the waters down his cheeks.

 - Bunyan, Pilgrim's Progress

I wrote in to my friends, commenting that i had way too much energy.  I have not felt like this since i can remember.

Why now?  I don't know.  I do know I've been doing everything i could think of - eating healthy, working out a lot, choosing to do things that bring me joy.  I've had a lot more time to just worship, too - as i run through the beautiful trails around my home, i play worship music and have time to talk to God.

He could have left me as i was.  I am already so blessed - living at this time, in this country, with a husband who loves me, a healthy body, seven healthy smart little children, warm and cold running water, time saving "servants" who wash my dishes and cook my food with little effort from me.  A computer, and friends around the world who encourage me...

And now this.  I almost don't know what to say, but i couldn't leave it the way i did in my last post about depression.

I honestly do not remember a time when i wasn't carrying this around with me - It shaded my joy often, and felt insurmountable sometimes.  

I have often claimed the verses about joy - He is my Joy and my Salvation - but the word i hear now so often is *FREEDOM* - He has set me free, and i am dancing in this freedom and joy....

Monday, June 14, 2010


The weird thing about living in a pluralistic society, as we do here in North America, is that out of the melting pot of religions and ideas, some concepts seem to have more staying power than others...

like the idea of Karma...

I was running today, in a light rain, listening to praise music (Jesus Culture Music - LOVE It!) - and my thoughts went to Jacob, working for his father in law, Laban, for seven years, to earn his wife, Rachel.  When the wedding day finally came, Laban veiled up her older sister, Leah, instead, and Jacob never realized he's been had until the next morning.  Which was too late.

So Laban told him "this is our culture - we always marry off the older, first.  But you can have Rachel if you work another seven years for me."

and Jacob did.  Fourteen years of labour for his desired wife - but it says in the Bible about the first seven  years that

" they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her." (Genesis 29:19)

That's what it feels like running downhill 3k to meet T after work...

But while i was pondering this, i realized that Jacob, the trickster, who had cheated his twin brother out of his birthright, and his father's blessing (see Genesis 25 and 27) was now the one being played by his father in law.  Not only that, but he ended up with four wives, when all he really wanted was one.  

David, too, had a fatal flaw.  He wasn't a trickster - but a moment of weakness revealed his sexual temptation, and his murderous capability.  First he stole Uriah's wife, had sex with her and made her pregnant - and then he conspired to kill Uriah, who was his loyal soldier.

But the story doesn't end there.  The sin that David had, blossomed in his children.  His horrible son Amnon raped his own half sister, and was killed by his half brother.   David's own son rose up to try to kill and depose his own father.

What sins are lurking in my heart that might bear fruition?  We don't call it karma in Christianity, but the idea that what you do has an impact on your life beyond that one incident sure is there, in the Old as well as the New Testament.

But if ye will not do so, behold, ye have sinned against the LORD: and be sure your sin will find you out.

Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.

It is time to pull up the weeds in the gardens of our souls, and let the Holy Spirit sow in us those things we would most like to see growing in our children's lives as well as our own...

Sow to yourselves in righteousness, reap in mercy; break up your fallow ground: for it is time to seek the LORD, till he come and rain righteousness upon you.