Annie Dillard quote

i left a comment on a forum, and ever since i keep getting updates on their thoughts - some i just delete, some make me think... On the whole, it is a forum of Christian ladies who are *opposed* to what i have embraced, thinking it slavery, or less than feminist to choose freely to devote oneself to family and being a good mother - on the other hand, it is a forum that shines with *thought* and i am so hungry for that. Even though i would not find them wholly sympathetic to my choices (most likely), i do enjoy the give and take and the thought that goes into some of the posts

One woman posted this quote today that i loved.

"On the whole, I do not find Christians, outside of the catacombs, sufficiently sensible of conditions. Does anyone have the foggiest idea of what sort of power we so blithely invoke? Or, as I suspect, does no one believe a word of it? The churches are children playing on the floor with their chemistry sets, mixing up a batch of TNT to kill a Sunday morning. It is madness to wear ladies' straw hats and velvet hats to church; we should all be wearing crash helmets. Ushers should issue life preservers and signal flares; they should lash us to our pews." (Annie Dillard)

I love that someone else *gets* what i feel like on Sundays. We skipped church today. I think depression in me turns into paranoia and church is just too painful a place for me to be then. I will go next week...

First Post

Not really something to just get done for the sake of beginning, but here is why i've started yet another blog.

I've actually really resisted having more than one blog - i prize transparency, and i'm pretty open about my life, including my spiritual life and struggles and all the good stuff...

But i do know that for some reason, listening to a Christian honestly talk about what it is to be a believer in Jesus in the 21st century is very distressing for a lot of church people, many of whom are my very good friends.

I want them to be able to go to my happy shiny homeschool blog :) or my paleo eating/exercise blog and not have to be confronted with my frustrated rants, which i am sad to inform you, are all too common, and will likely be a central feature of this blog.

Not that i am dissatisfied with Jesus, God, the Holy Spirit, the Word of God, the Church Universal, any huge theological problems - mostly i just chafe at how we do church now, in the 21st century, here, in the Western world.

I don't think it hurts to say "Look, not only is this not working for me, but it is hurting me - it is making me bleed, it is making me ashamed, it is taking all week to recover from the toxic "fellowship". What can i do to make it change? How can i fulfill my obligations to God, and still encourage and be encouraged by other believers?" Because i feel like maybe i am threatening to some believers, and an object of scorn to other believers, and i definitely do not feel encouraged by most believers (with some beautiful exceptions - and of course, most of my friends/family fall into the second circle of the venn diagram that is "believers that hurt/believers that heal"...

So that is what this is all about. If you feel crawly just reading this, consider yourself part of a tremendously huge majority and move on - if something inside you says "me too" .... then welcome - let's find where God wants us!