Sunday, June 27, 2010

Depression and God, Part II

And all of the sudden it was gone.

I feel like Christian, at the cross, in Pilgrim's Progress...

Up this way, therefore, did burdened CHRISTIAN run; but not without great difficulty, because of the load on his back.

He ran thus till he came at a place somewhat ascending; and upon that place stood a Cross, and a little below, in the bottom, a sepulchre. So I saw in my dream, that just as CHRISTIAN came up to the cross, his burden loosed from off his shoulders, and fell from off his back, and began to tumble; and so continued to do till it came to the mouth of the sepulchre, where it fell in, and I saw it no more.

Then was CHRISTIAN glad and lightsome, and said, with a merry heart,

"He hath given me rest by his sorrow,
And life by his death."

Then he stood still awhile to look and wonder; for it was very surprising to him, that the sight of the cross should thus ease him of his burden. He looked therefore, and looked again, even till the springs that were in his head sent the waters down his cheeks.

 - Bunyan, Pilgrim's Progress

I wrote in to my friends, commenting that i had way too much energy.  I have not felt like this since i can remember.

Why now?  I don't know.  I do know I've been doing everything i could think of - eating healthy, working out a lot, choosing to do things that bring me joy.  I've had a lot more time to just worship, too - as i run through the beautiful trails around my home, i play worship music and have time to talk to God.

He could have left me as i was.  I am already so blessed - living at this time, in this country, with a husband who loves me, a healthy body, seven healthy smart little children, warm and cold running water, time saving "servants" who wash my dishes and cook my food with little effort from me.  A computer, and friends around the world who encourage me...

And now this.  I almost don't know what to say, but i couldn't leave it the way i did in my last post about depression.

I honestly do not remember a time when i wasn't carrying this around with me - It shaded my joy often, and felt insurmountable sometimes.  

I have often claimed the verses about joy - He is my Joy and my Salvation - but the word i hear now so often is *FREEDOM* - He has set me free, and i am dancing in this freedom and joy....


  1. Glad to hear it... I'm finding more energy and "the will" to start things -- sorted a bunch of recyling stuff out - a few more things flung everyday will eventually make a difference... I guess I was in a deep pit of depression that paralyzed me for years... glad that things are slowly coming around... no fun living under a cloud... thinking of you on this journey...

  2. Amen and hallelujah, Steph. UP UP UP! More grace...more JOY.... Bring it...